Stephen King was once asked how to handle the sting of rejection. His famous response was “Get a bigger nail.” Before he became a published author, he used to pin all his rejection letters to the wall until there were so many of them, they fell off. So he went and got a bigger nail. That much longer nail was able to hold over a hundred rejection letters he received from literary agents.

I like that perspective on rejection. If you see it as part of the journey then this new perspective could move your attention from the pain and could possibly even help heal the wound.

Rejection is part of the publication process. It is also par for the course of any job hunt or dating scene. You can either see it as a painful part of the process or you can see it as a gift. And it is a gift too. It saves you time and heartache from spending a lot of time with the wrong people. And if you get a rejection for a manuscript with feedback, that’s gold. If it’s legitimate constructive feedback, someone took the time to help you improve your writing. I’ve been learning this from experience. I recently finished writing a novel and now I’m in the process of searching for an agent to publish my book. I’ve had to face a lot of rejection and here’s what I learned.

Each time you are rejected, you realize that the person was not your ideal reader. And that’s absolutely fine. Everyone is entitled to their tastes, opinions and preferences. With millions of people out there, you are bound to find someone who clicks with you and appreciates your point of view. So instead of focusing on the pain of rejection, see it as another opportunity to keep looking to find your crew.

I feel the same way about a job search. The last thing I want is to get a job where I don’t fit in with the culture of the company or even worse, get a boss who secretly doesn’t like me. It’s better to get rejected from them. You will eventually find the people who right for you. You don’t need to conform. You don’t need to bend backwards trying to meet the expectations of someone who isn’t the right fit for you. The rejection opens up the opportunity for you to be yourself. You are free to be you. And there is joy in that freedom.

For a book recommendation, I really enjoyed Stephen King’s book “On Writing.” There is a lot of great advice for writers in it.

I’m writing these tips on procrastination because I read a research article that stated more than 70% of university students struggle with procrastination. It’s something I struggle with also. Something I noticed is that the temptation to procrastinate is quite strong when I switch from a manual task to a mental task. In the past, this has sent me down a procrastination rabbit hole where I’m really just trying to avoid the big mental task I need to do like write a paper. Working on a short manual task can feel instantly rewarding. You clean a room then when you look back, you get an immediate sense of satisfaction. You see the difference from what the room was like before you started cleaning to how it looks after you are done. But the same instant gratification isn’t there when you are writing a book or paper or doing any kind of intellectual work.

A quote I love that captures this sensation is: “Writing a novel is like telling a joke and waiting ten years to find out if anyone thought it was funny.”

Writing requires a great deal of patience. Getting to know yourself better really helps. It explains why so many writers and philosophers often went on long nature walks or exercised. The physical exertion can help clear away the cobwebs of the mind and grants you a sense of accomplishment. Being aware of this phenomenon can help you manage your expectations so you don’t feel disappointed when the same motivation isn’t available to you for mental tasks as they are with manual tasks.

There is a mind trick that helps ease me into mental tasks. It’s not fixating on the big goal but a smaller one that will help you achieve the larger goal. I take a large mental task like writing a paper and break it into small, achievable tasks. Instead of focusing on the larger task of writing 15 pages of a research paper. I’ll sit down at my desk and give myself a small goal of: find 2 research articles that I can use, add it to my excel file with the full citation, author’s name, etc and stop after twenty minutes. I take a short break which feels like a reward then start again on another small task. I make a list of these small task items ahead of time, a day of planning before those workdays so I can plough through them without stopping to think about what to work on next. (Anytime I stop and my mind starts to wander, there’s a danger I could fall down another procrastination rabbit hole.) So I write down my ideas in a journal with my favorite fountain pen to make those planning days more pleasurable and something to look forward to. See photo below.

This has really helped me develop stamina to stick to a long term goal. It’s the same for a monumental physical goal. You can lose motivation and momentum when trying to train for a marathon. It can feel like an impossible goal. But if you give yourself a goal of running for one block then incrementally increasing that goal further each time you achieve that target goal, you can ride on the coattails of the dopamine hit that you feel on seeing yourself achieving a small goal. It’s even better to call them wins. Every step counts. Every move forward matters, no matter how small. Have you used these types of tricks to keep you motivated? Please share your thoughts and tips in the comments below. Thanks for reading and sharing!

Small Talk Eating House

The photo above is of a restaurant in Amsterdam called “Small Talk Eating House.” That made me laugh.  New Yorkers love small talk.  When I meet other New Yorkers, we often end up chatting while waiting in line or at the train station.   

The Dutch have a great sense of humor at least that’s what I get from the signs I saw on the streets of Amsterdam and Dutch culture reminds me a bit of New York City which makes sense considering it was a Dutch settlement in the 17th century. Lower Manhattan was once even called “New Amsterdam.”  My high school was named after Peter Stuyvesant, a Dutch governor.  There was a large portrait of him hanging over the staircase.  It was a reminder of both the school’s and the city’s Dutch roots.   

What New Yorkers and the Dutch have in common is a frankness and direct way of communicating which is unique compared to the rest of the United States.  There is also a sense of egalitarianism in New York and the Netherlands.   For New Yorkers, we all walk the same streets, take the same buses and subway trains.  We aren’t cocooned in our cars daily the way people are in the American South or on the West Coast.   

When I was in Amsterdam, a Dutch store clerk told me that I should always check the self-checkout screen before paying for anything because sometimes people would scan an item, pretending to buy it and not pay for it.  Then it’s in your cart when you scan your items. If you pay for it, you’re essentially paying for someone who just stole those items.  That happened to me and now I know better.   

I was often given tips and advice by the Dutch delivered in a direct manner which was comforting to me because it was familiar. It reminded me of New York City where I grew up.  New Yorkers will offer up their opinions to you even when you don’t ask for it.  But I saw someone else complain about this habit on a Google review in Amsterdam saying that it was rude and lecturing. It made me think how we perceive rudeness based on our own cultural lenses and experiences. What is rude to one person might differ with another. It really is about perception: whether or not the person had an intent to be helpful and whether or not you are able to perceive that intent. 

I don’t usually gush about a movie but I need to gush about Christopher Nolan’s new Odyssey movie. First of all, Homer’s Odyssey is not an easy story to adapt to film. It is complicated. There are 24 sections in the book and almost 600 pages. There are also over 120 individual distinct characters. Which ones should a director include? But somehow Christopher Nolan is able to pull it all together in an engaging and thoughtful manner with lots of tension in each scene which made the movie riveting. There is never a dull moment in that three hour long movie. And to top it off, he layers in an anti-war theme, offering the PTSD perspective of a soldier who survived combat.

I also loved Zendaya’s performance as Athena. One of my favorite scene is her look of disapproval after Ulysses ransacked Troy, depicting the goddess of war with emotional depth. And the internet loved her look also. Gotta love those memes. Thank you Christopher Nolan for getting my kids excited about a 2,700 year old story! And hopefully this movie will spark an interest to read the classics in the literary canon.

Here is my attempt at humor writing.

I have a laugh quota. I try to get at least one person to laugh or smile each day. It’s like a hobby for me. It’s something that brings me joy. I love sharing humorous anecdotes. My kids and husband have a great sense of humor and usually laugh at my puns and stories. But I have other family members who don’t like my jokes. They are a tough crowd. I try to get them to laugh and in return, they usually get me to cry.

So I’m learning about soccer from my son. We are currently in France (which is beautiful) but I’m experiencing some cognitive fatigue from hearing French and trying to translate it into English in my head.  I feel like a second grader in a room full of adults.  I’m learning about a whole new country’s history, culture and language (all of which I love) but it is a lot to take in all at once. 

I don’t know much about sports.  But I do know that in France soccer is football but in America, football is an entirely different sport.  It’s an interesting psychological experiment where you hear a word and it conjures up a completely different image in your head from what everyone else around you is thinking.  

So imagine my surprise when my son comes to me and says what sounds like:

“Holland scored.” 

I’m imagining the Netherlands.  I reply, “I thought they’re out of the World Cup.”  He gives me a confused look and said, “He’s in the World Cup.  They are going to the quarterfinals.” 

“You mean the Netherlands is in the World Cup now?”

“No, Holland is in Norway.”

“What?”  How can Holland which is the Netherlands be in Norway?

It suddenly feels like I’m on a comedy sketch like Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First?” 

“Holland is playing for Norway.”      

He then realizes why I’m confused and explains he meant the Norwegian soccer player, Erling Haaland.  So I look him up and I see this in my google search:

I was so confused by the NO.  Why did he say it wasn’t worth the 28 year wait?  So I kept digging and found the original photo which I posted at the top. And I realized he posted the emoji of the Norway flag and for some reason, the 2 letter abbreviation for Norway appeared instead of the flag: NO.  The confusion finally cleared.  Mystery solved! It’s a great example of the importance of research.

I’ve been putting off writing this blog post because well, I’ve been overthinking this.

So I opened up my laptop and started this blog post before all the doubts started to invade my thoughts. In the past, I could easily come up with a million reasons why I shouldn’t do something. I’ve let a lot of negative thoughts stop me from taking the steps needed to achieve a goal. The thing I keep telling myself these days is the famous “Just Do It.” It’s simple and effective because taking swift action often stops doubt before it can begin to grow. Doubt is like mold. It can spread and take over. The key to removing it is sunshine and fresh air – a new perspective.

I’ve also fallen down the research rabbit hole of doom where hours have gone by and I was no closer to writing the paper I was supposed to write. Instead of letting myself feel overwhelmed by many different ideas, my new habit has been to focus my attention on one small step forward. Write one clear sentence and then focus on writing the next one.

Setting those small achievable goals has really helped me. It takes a large task and makes it feel manageable. I feel more confident after writing one short sentence. I see progress and that makes me happier.

And I decided to let that be the content of today’s post.

Have you overthought something so much that it stopped you from taking action? I’d love to hear what helped you overcome it. Thanks for reading!

Hello Friends!

I recently started a YouTube channel called ProcrastinationPups in order to show my students what a social media campaign can look like. The final project for one of the courses I teach is a social media campaign focused on something they care deeply about. I love teaching and I love my students, so I wanted to not just assign them work but join them and create a campaign of my own.

My goal is to raise awareness about procrastination because it’s something I’ve struggled with in the past and felt it really held me back. When I was a college student I even bought a book called “Overcoming Procrastination!” (Such a hopeful title!) And I procrastinated on reading it. I never even opened the book.

In my twenties, I had big dreams but procrastinated on taking even those tiny steps which would have gotten me just a little bit closer to my goals. The guilt and shame that followed was so demoralizing that I stopped believing I could achieve anything at all. I felt so hopeless and lost. I gave up before I even started. It took a long time and a lot of work to move past those failures and to keep following my dreams.

That’s why I created this channel and website. (Well, I finally achieved one of my goals which is to be a content creator. I’m checking that off my list!) My hope is to encourage anyone who struggles with procrastination and to encourage you to keep striving and dreaming. Don’t give up on your dreams! I’m not giving up on mine.

Please join me on my journey as I try to achieve my dreams of becoming a published author one day, travel the world and also stick to something meaningful.

Since no one is asking me to do this, I do find it challenging to keep up with a pet project. But this is important to me because I want to keep a promise I made to myself. You can do this! Thank you so much for reading this and joining me on my journey. I also promised myself to not procrastinate on enjoying this wild trip we call life. I hope I can encourage and inspire you too!

I only have a limited amount of time each day to work on my dream goal of writing a novel.  I’ve written two books, spending one to two hours everyday writing but I haven’t been published yet.  Now I’m working on a third book. 

With two young children, an elderly mother and in-laws and a full time job working as a university professor, I have to be laser focused with the little free time I have.  Sometimes tasks like the dishes, housecleaning, and laundry take the backseat so I can work on my book. Then I try to play catch up on the weekend.  It isn’t pretty but it’s the best I can do. 

I don’t want to give up on my dream. I hope this encourages you also to not give up on your dream.

There are a lot of distractions out there but the journey is rewarding and is worth the effort.

Many of my students are in a similar situation trying to squeeze in their school work while they juggle full-time jobs with taking care of children and their other responsibilities. I tell them they are on a hero’s journey and are going to encounter obstacles along the way before they finish their bachelor’s degree. Just as we all do when we have a dream.

My students inspire me. I admire their strength and perseverance to keep going and I hope this message inspires you also. I’m learning to take a big dream and break it up into small achievable goals that I can tackle each day. I don’t have to do everything at once. I’m not aiming for perfection. I simply need to take one small step forward.